I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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