I wanna passion pit in your ass
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
