Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
