My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize