just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
