I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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