Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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