I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
