And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
