dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
