i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
