i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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