I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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