i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
