bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
