Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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