The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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