So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
