We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
