dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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