You're my little dorito
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
