This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just had sex on a roof
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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