I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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