Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
