I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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