Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize