quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize