My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
