Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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