I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
