I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
