theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
