Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
