that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Help. Why am I so naked?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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