My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize