She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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