She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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