don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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