I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Blood and glitter go together right?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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