your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My pussy is not your playground.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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