yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
