you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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