Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
