I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
