I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You smell like stripper and shame
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize