I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
