party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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