I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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