dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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