and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
