i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
