Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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