TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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