Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize