I need help removing her.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
