Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
never play flip cup with pint glasses
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
