Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
