I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
