.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
