I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
