Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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