you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
