We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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