Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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