you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
