We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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