Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
