I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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