He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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