I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
