I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
