So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
