I am in a vortex of obligation.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
