just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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