the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
