Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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