...so i touched it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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