it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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