My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Randomize
