Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
