Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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