it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
