Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
