that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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