I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
