I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So here I am, sexting at work.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
