i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
