Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
