Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
