Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
