she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
