just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
