my room smells like sperm. sweet.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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