Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
