you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
