no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ttyl tear gas
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
