who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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