roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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