i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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