Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
