You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
