he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
