Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
