distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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