i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
