Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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