Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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