You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Randomize
